Moving on and having hope

Before I get started with this latest PPD post, I'd just like to thank everyone who has offered support during the past few nightmarish months of breaking free from my ex-husband, Neil Zucconi. Our 10-month marriage (which was definitely 10 months too long) taught me many things, and one of the biggest things I've learned is how many truly amazing friends I have. I didn't know what a crucial support system Facebook could be, and I'm so grateful for everyone's constant and supportive comments, phone calls, hugs, and prayers.

Okay, so ... I'm moving on. :)

I'm totally back to the topic of postpartum depression after my little hiatus...

And, what I'm posting about today seems very fitting. I'd like to bring attention to a blog post on Katherine Stone's Postpartum Progress blog, not only because it's extremely well written and touching, but also because it's written by her husband -- a man who truly "gets" what PPD is all about and has been right there in the thick of it, supporting his wife through all of the ins and outs of PPD over the years as she evolved from a woman who suffered from the disorder to one who advocates for others. He was right there alongside Katherine and all of the other strong women who spoke out and worked hard to ensure that the MOTHERS ACT was passed. And what a tremendous victory that was.

As I try to move forward and get my life back, it really helps to read such a wonderful post by a husband who is reaching out to encourage women who are suffering from PPD that there is hope.

That message of hope is good for all of us.

Today I dismissed the Order of Protection against Neil Zucconi

Well, my nightmare is over. I went to court today and dismissed the Order of Protection that I had filed on March 19, 2010, against Neil Zucconi because I was able to obtain what I feel is even better and much longer lasting protection for myself and my family than the Order of Protection provides. (You can find a lot more about this on my other blog, http://orderofprotectionsurvivor.blogspot.com) I dismissed the order in exchange for a stipulated addendum that is now attached to our decree of dissolution of marriage (divorce decree). This stipulated addendum contains provisions that include the fact that Neil Zucconi "shall not come into the State of Arizona for a period of one (1) year, ... and shall have no contact whatsoever with (me) by any means." So, no contact with me -- ever.

More on the legal saga can be found here on this public Maricopa County Superior Court web site.

I feel pretty good about this. It's "forever," whereas an Order of Protection is valid for only one year, at the end of which time, I would have had to go back to court to continue to have it upheld. One drawback to giving up my Order of Protection is the fact that it came with police enforceable protection. I don't have that now that the Order of Protection has been dismissed, however the stipulated addendum of the divorce decree is a fully enforceable order of the court....and if it is ever violated, I can easily go to court to get another Order of Protection.

While I was in court earlier today to take care of the Order of Protection dismissal, I listened to another woman who was there to obtain an Order of Protection of her own. Her story was so sad, as she recounted for the judge the physical abuse that she and her nine-year-old son had experienced at the hand of her boyfriend. And there were other women besides her who were waiting to see the judge to have their Orders of Protection filed as well. This must go on every hour of every day in every court across the country. It's crazy. Thank goodness we have legal protection in place for domestic violence victims such as the young woman who's testimony I heard, but how horrible that women have to resort to it.

This has definitely been an eye-opening and very jolting experience to go through, and if any of my blog readers would like to reach me or to know more about my story, feel free to leave a comment below.

How do you deal with the trauma of an order of protection?

Yes, I'm still taking a brief break from my PPD posts here and posting on my current ordeal instead....

But, before I delve more into my stuff, it just occurred to me that it must be an absolute nightmare to be a new mom AND to deal with the devastation of a traumatic divorce. I can't imagine juggling the demands of a newborn while coping with the fear, shock and craziness that comes with divorce. And what if you have to deal with filing a restraining order against your spouse or significant other at the same time? I can't even begin to imagine.

It's difficult enough wading through the court system while trying to find people who can help advocate for you. I've been extremely fortunate to have found an incredible local resource that I never knew existed until I was forced to call upon the police one horrible night this past February. That incident triggered a phone call with the Victim Services Program at my local police department where I discovered amazing advocates (both paid and volunteer staff) who are incredibly knowledgeable and supportive.

These dedicated Victim Services advocates are amazing and heroic in their efforts on behalf of women who are suffering, and who need legal guidance as well as police assistance. I will forever be grateful to Betsy, one of the advocates there who not only held my hand throughout the traumatic Order of Protection filing process, but she also successfully tracked down my ex-husband, Neil Zucconi, in California to have him served with the Order of Protection.

But even with that tremendous support, I have often felt very alone throughout this time. Not because I don't have amazing, caring friends and family supporting me, but because I really don't know others who have gone through this. I never imagined this would happen to me. I never even imagined that I'd ever have to call 911. This wasn't supposed to be part of my life.

But then again, whoever expects this stuff to happen. Things like postpartum depression, cancer, losing your job, death of a loved one, domestic violence, ... you name it. Something devastating can seep insidiously into your life with little or no warning, and there you are. I guess it's all about how you cope....

You can find a lot more about this part of my life on my other blog, http://orderofprotectionsurvivor.blogspot.com.

Fighting the Devastating Impact of Mental Anguish

I'm still deep in this post divorce abyss. Yes, I know I'm still off-topic here on my PPD blog, but I don't want to not post anything at all while I'm in this horrible place. I have a feeling I'll be here for a while. And I really need to have a voice during this time. But honestly, PPD is not the foremost topic on my mind right now. Right now, it's all about survival and getting through this in one piece.

I do feel that a lot of what I'm experiencing mentally and emotionally correlates to many of the repercussions I experienced fourteen years ago when I suffered so terribly from postpartum depression. I can't sleep -- I'm fighting all kinds of swirling emotions -- but most of all I'm just so sad.

I can't believe my marriage to Neil Zucconi ended up the way it did. And I can't believe that I had to call the local police on February 5 to have him removed from my home. Until the police officers who showed up that awful night advised me to file an Order of Protection, I had absolutely no idea what one was or how to file for one. This whole ordeal has been quite an education. And one I didn't think I'd ever have to learn.

Hopefully soon I'll have the peace of mind to get back to my PPD posting and advocacy work. But for now, please bear with me as I come back up for air. And if anyone reading this has anything they'd like to share on this topic, please feel free.

Dealing with Divorce and a Restraining Order

Unfortunately I haven't posted here in a while due to personal reasons. Although not related to postpartum depression, my present situation is just as devastating on a mental and emotional level, and I'm guessing there are plenty of women who can relate, so I'll share what's going on with me right now....

I just recently divorced and it has been extremely traumatic. My marriage to Neil Zucconi was quite brief; after about 10 months I filed for divorce. And shortly after that, on March 19, 2010, I filed an Order of Protection (restraining order) with the Superior Court in Phoenix, and he was subsequently served on April 30. One challenging aspect of this has been the fact that Neil is in law enforcement, as an air marshal with TSA. The amount of mental anguish and emotional stress and general fear that I've been dealing with in filing this restraining order has overwhelmed me. (You can find a lot more about this on my other blog, http://orderofprotectionsurvivor.blogspot.com.)

I'm in the process of reaching out to others who are dealing with or who have dealt with filing a restraining order against a spouse or significant other. I'm also looking for divorce support groups and other resources that might help as I head towards recovery. I know it's going to be a long haul. I think that to some extent, I'm still in shock about what has happened. I didn't see this coming at all. It actually reminds me a lot of the many months back in 1996 when I was on the road to recovery from postpartum depression. Once again, I'm dealing with feelings of shock, helplessness, fear, anger, sadness, and of course, a big blow to my self esteem.

This is definitely not easy.